Content with being here today.

February 6, 2013

A dark and dreary night brought a brand new day.  A bright, warm, blue-skied day.  Oh, how thankful I am for that.

Thank you to those of you that lifted me up in prayer last night and today.  My energy and motivation are significantly higher and I know it is because so many of you prayed!  Today I cleaned my house.  I answered e-mails and phone calls without cringing.  I've found myself just content with being here today.  What a blessing.

After Richard passed away, I recall telling friends and family, as well as thinking over and over again, how lucky I felt that I was the person that God chose to place in his life for the end.  That probably seems weird to hear, but it is so true.  How blessed am I that I, not only had the opportunity to even know Richard and to be impacted by him, but I also had the opportunity to love him and BE loved by him in his very last days.  In his last 6 months.  It all makes sense to me now as to why our relationship accelerated at the speed it did.  As to why we were dropping the L-Bomb 3 weeks into dating.  It all seems very rushed, I thought.  But also extremely natural.  I was so scared to let emotions and feelings fly out from my heart at a lightning pace.  I was scared I would get hurt.  I was scared to lose control.  But thank God that He bestowed such charisma and passion upon Richard.  He drew my feelings out of me and made things feel simple as we went from acquaintances, to sort-of friends, to boyfriend and girlfriend.  If I had let fear completely rule my mind I would have missed out on so much.

Ending this post with the words that Rich wrote in my birthday card.  So lucky am I to have these.

"Through the last few years of life I've found it difficult to come to terms with trusting an individual enough to open up, much less love and let love.  You've made that a seamless and easy task and I'm grateful to have had the chance to meet you, to know you, and to love you.  There are times when I'm overwhelmed with happiness just knowing God can create such a charasmatic and sincere human form.  I love you.  Rich"