January 27, 2013
It has been two weeks, two days, 7 hours and 20 minutes (give or take) since I found out I had lost my boyfriend forever. And by forever, I mean...forever. This was not a break-up. It was not a difference of feelings or emotions or opinions ripping two people apart. It was death. Death by a cruel and aggressive disease that does not discriminate against anyone.
Death is such a complicated and mysterious concept. It is hard to wrap your mind around and is difficult to fully swallow. Like a big, ol' horse pill. Even bigger than the nasty protein pills that my precious, fitness-loving boy loved to consume. And because of this, everyone deals with death and loss very differently. I have not yet figured out how I will fully deal with it, but right now I can tell you it's a lot of chocolate consumption, a lot of crying and a lot of reminiscing with friends and family.
Because my Richard was such a lover of the written word and of emotional expression through writing, it seems fitting to work through my processing his death through the same way. These posts may be light and fluffy on some days and they may be dark and dreary on others. I am attempting to embrace my feelings. Letting the sorrow come as it must. Even crying in public restaurants if I feel so compelled. I am finding myself clinging to the good things as if they may slip through my fingers, falling down a drain, never to be seen again. I think that my process will be a lot of private journal-ing, as well as public blogging. We shall see where it takes us.
Life is very short, friends. We never know when the end is near. However, one thing I am certain of, and the one thing I find peace in is that the good Lord called our Richard home. He had finished the task that God put him on this earth to complete. It was his turn to go home. Now we must figure out how to move forward without his physical presence.
It's going to be a bitch.