You never know how much time you will need.

April 10, 2013

It is funny how memories come and go in our minds.  Here we are 3 months out and I am still recalling random moments and thoughts and things that were said, things I hadn't thought about in months and months.  One moment that I have thought about a lot was from Christmas Eve day.  Richard and I spent most of the day together, running errands and just being together.  We had to go pick something up from his mom at her work.  She was working on Christmas Eve even when she did not have to (those Gaiser women are warriors). 

Rich looked at his mom and said something to the effect of, "you're like the only person here on Christmas work too much."  His mom looked at him and said, "Hey - remember when you were in that really severe car accident (from his senior year of high school)?  You never know how much sick time you will need built up." 

Three days later Richard went into the hospital.  Two and a half weeks later Richard died.  His mom did, indeed, need that time.  I think back on that moment a lot.  Wow.  If that was not God speaking to us I don't know what else it could have been. 

I believe that the Lord is constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY trying to get our attention.  Instead we run around with our to-do lists and complaints and worries and fears, a lot of times completely ignoring Him.  I think if we all take more time to slow down and meditate on thoughts and pray through situations, we will see Him working within us and through what He has set before us.  He is talking to us.  Do we ever sit down to listen?  To see the signs and see His warnings?

This is just another incident from my relationship with Richard that is still teaching me even though he is gone.  I would not trade our time for anything in the world.  The trials, the arguments, the goofiness and the romance.  None of it.  I want to keep it all, tucked away in my heart.  Errr, and in this blog for all of you beautiful people... :)

Tomorrow marks three months since Richard was taken from us. I expect it to be a quiet, reflective day, as most of my past 11ths have been.  I miss him every day, but peace always sets in and casts out sadness.  He is home with our God.  Sincerely living the life, footloose and fancy free. 

Makes me jealous.