March 20, 2013
One of my favorite things to talk about is Richard's purpose in my life. I've said before that the Lord made it apparent that He brought us together for a reason; He also made it apparent (though I didn't always see it) that He wanted us together until the end of Richard's life.
Richard taught me more about humility than any other person I've ever met. Richard was constantly being humbled through various events and situations throughout our relationship. Although he did get frustrated throughout some of these situations, you know - because he was human, he handled it with such grace. It was beautiful. He was beautiful!
He taught me to be more tactful. He taught me to tell shorter stories (this did not always go over well with me...). He taught me random facts about health, Star Wars and the Huntsville Public Library. He was kind of a nerd. :) I always go for the nerdy ones...just ask my mom.
That boy showed me what God's love could like in a relationship, showing me kind, genuine, sincere love even when I was a brat. And I see now, more than ever, that his main purpose in my life was to bring me closer to the Lord. I believe that God was working through both of us so that we would lean on him every step of the way. The Lord brought Richard and I through several trials and tribulations while we were together and the results were he and I growing together and leaning hard on our God. And talking about it all the time. And trying to figure out what He wanted us to learn through it.
And then the Lord took Richard away from us. And as a result of that I have grown even more dependent on Him. How could I not? How could I not see my need for God, for his comfort, peace and love throughout this tragic time? God wants us, so badly, to fix our eyes on Him; to seek His help; to acknowledge our utter and extreme need for Him and to cry out to Him. It doesn't always make sense but I continue to believe and to know that God will bless me through this trial. He promises He will, so He will.
And what a freedom I find in that truth. Freedom to sincerely grieve when I want to grieve and praise when I want to praise. And I get to rejoice in the fact that Richard would be so, absolutely, pleased with me seeing this as his purpose in my life.
With the help of friends, family, counseling and prayer, clarity continues to seep through and set in, friends. I hope you are seeking clarity in your own lives as well. Sit still and listen.
Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love.