February 22, 2013
Fridays have lost their charm.
Fridays had already lost their charm with me before this happened, mainly because I work from home (which don't get me wrong, is pretty awesome), and it's not as fun to get off of work on a Friday when you're already home. But now, Fridays are on my bad list. I'd rather see a Monday than a Friday. At least a Monday is a fresh start.
This Friday was no different. Even though I got to see and talk to great friends, there is still an underlying sadness in my heart. Fridays will just be hard for a long time I think. It's the day of the week when I run out of steam. It's the day of week when I run out of motivation. It will forever be the day that my boyfriend was taken from me.
And Fridays typically send me into a frenzy of thoughts. Like: I wonder if you guys ever get tired of reading about my sad emotions. Has it gotten old yet? It's been a solid 6 weeks of it. When will the heartbreak subside? When will it get easier? When will I be comfortable with the thought of dating or even flirting with someone else? When will I feel like I am not cheating on Richard if I do flirt with someone else? Will someone even want to date me after something like this? Obviously not now, I'm not ready now, but when I do get ready, who is going to want to step up to the plate?
Some days are really good, and I can float through them without being too bogged down by sadness, but then all of the sudden it hits me and I feel like I've just been flattened by a big ol' andiron, just like what happens to the coyote in Looney Tunes.
I know all of this is normal and natural and I am not a freak or anything. It's exhausting though. Grieving can be exhausting. It will get easier. It has gotten easier. But it is still hard. But nothing in life that is easy is ever worth it, right? That saying seems so out of place in this situation, but perfectly fitting at the same time.
Six weeks ago a mother lost her son, a sister lost her brother, friends lost their buddy and a girlfriend lost her boyfriend. Do whatever it takes to not take anyone in your life for granted, friends.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.