March 11, 2013
This picture caught you off-guard, I know. Right? Not quite what you were expecting, but it's the perfect imagery for my mood tonight. Just kind of confused and irritable and exhausted and dumbfounded. Just a little bit of everything.
I just came back from a beautiful, relaxing weekend in the mountains with 4 of my greatest friends. I felt nothing but God's arms wrapped around me while in their presence. It was pretty perfect. But today I've been hit with a little case of the Mondays. Probably does not help that it's also 2 months, exactly, since Richard died. Sometimes I can push it in the back of my mind for awhile, but it generally resurfaces pretty quickly.
I am finding myself kind of in an in-between stage. And let's be honest, here...no one likes an in-between stage. It's like when you've cut your hair really short and now all you want is for it to be longer, but in order for it to get there it has to go through the awkward in-between length that's virtually impossible to fix. All the girls reading this are like, YES, I UNDERSTAND and all of the boys are like, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
Anyway - that's where I am. I am in this in-between stage - a limbo - of moving forward and hanging on. I know that it's a healthy stage, at least I think it is, feeling as if I am getting closer to wanting to move forward (I refuse to say "move on," because that would insinuate a break-up and this wasn't quite that), but not quite ready to let go. Finding that balance will be interesting and I'm sure a big piece of the grieving puzzle.
So, here we are and there we go. Not much else to say today. It's been two months and it does not seem real, but it is there and we have to continue to try and face it. Simply ready for this Monday to move along now and be over with.