The only sign of him dying was that he was turning blue.

August 16, 2013

I do not typically blog in the early hours of the morning, but I have to get this out before I forget.

This morning I woke up in a bit of a mental haze from an intense night of sleep.  I love nights of solid sleep, but I did not awake as refreshed as I would have liked.  I was in a haze because I was shaking off the images and feelings that came along with a dream I had just had.

For the past 7 months, I have had maybe a total of 10 dreams about Richard.  The dreams are different - different scenarios, different surroundings and different people, but there is always one common theme: I can't get in touch with him.  Either his phone is off or he is mad at me and won't answer my texts/calls and I don't know where he is to go see him.  They're never fun to have, but I figure that this could be pretty normal since, technically, I can't talk to him anymore.

However - this morning I woke up and realized that I had a dream about him last night and we were face-to-face and we were talking.  He was very animated and talkative...even though he was lying in a hospital bed (and we were at a baseball game?...) and he was slowly dying.  And we knew he was dying.  But the only sign of him actually dying was that he was gradually turning blue.  Really creepy, I know.  But in all honesty, I am a little in awe and excited that we were together in the dream.  AND he was giving me advice on who I should and should not date next, ha!  Crazy.  He was saying, "Don't!  You can't date that person!  Now I am going to be paranoid!"  Makes me giggle now.

I e-mailed my counselor this morning (my counselor that has very quickly and swiftly become one of my favorite people) and told her about it.  She said it seemed like maybe my sub-conscious was trying to tell me something in this late stage of grieving. 

Wonder what it is trying to tell me?

Blessings and love to you on this Friday, friends.