October 8, 2013
I'm so happy Fall is here. It's my all-time favorite season. Lately I've been finding myself daydreaming back to this time last year, when I came home from a trip I took to Boston, and found my front yard decorated for halloween. Decorated with things I typically would not have placed in my yard, but I loved it nonetheless because sweet Richard had done it. He donned my yard with fake tombstones, miniature skeletons and a corpse head (Hamlet, anyone?). It was cute and made me smile.
It is fantastically amazing all the things that can happen in one year. Am I right? Right now, take a minute and look back on the last year of your life and think about how much has changed. I'd venture to bet that most of you will think, "heck yea, a stinkin' lot has changed!" Me too.
And, allow me to be honest here, I would not change a thing. I would not change the heartbreak, the sorrow, the hollow feeling of sadness I often get when I think of that sweet boy that lost his life...none of it. If it happened to help get me to where I am today regarding my relationship with the Lord and my trust for His plan in my life - I wouldn't ask for anything to have been any different. This situation shaped me into who I am at this very moment; I've never been closer to God than I am at this point in my life, and of course I only hope to grow closer to Him. And the same is true for whatever you may be going through at this moment; the Lord is using it to shape you into the person you were born to be. Lean on Him. Trust Him. You can tell Him you're mad and angry and that you don't understand what in the world is happening, but you still have to trust. You just have to. I don't know how else to tell anyone to get through anything except to trust, pray and cry.
I have learned so much in this past year from a relationship with Richard and through his death. Someday I am going to lay all the details out for everyone to see. It was hard, but absolutely beautiful at the same time. I can't wait to share it all. If I write a book, you all have to buy it, okay?