November 27, 2013
I’m sitting here attempting to translate words from my head onto this blog post, thinking about all the things I want to write about, all the things I want to share. Trying ferociously to come up with a “thankful” post, knowing good and well it will be debuted the day before Thanksgiving. To be honest, I am having a hard time pinning one idea down. All I can think about is what I was doing this time last year.
This time last year I was anxiously awaiting Thanksgiving…anxiously awaiting it to pass. This is because a mere six weeks before, I had been hit with the cold, hard truth that the boy I had recently fallen in love with struggled with alcoholism. The boy I had recently fallen in love with had broken down all the barriers of things I thought I knew about alcoholics, about the disease itself. I caught a new glimpse of this group of people that struggled immensely with ideas, thoughts and daydreams about a substance that I could pick up, and put down, at any time. I anxiously awaited Thanksgiving day to come and go because I began to realize how difficult of a day it might be for my beautiful boy. How difficult it may be for many of his friends that struggled with the same demons.
We spent Thanksgiving day at my parents’ house and later went to his mom’s place to celebrate with her and his sister. I wanted the day to be perfect. I did not want him to feel uncomfortable in my family’s home. I did not want him to know that I had asked everyone to refrain from drinking any type of alcohol at dinner. (Pretty sure he knew.) I wanted him to feel welcomed and wanted. He did. He felt so comfortable that he fell asleep in our over-sized chair with the sounds of football in the background after dinner. It was a perfect day.
I find myself constantly reflecting on where I was at this time, last year. I think it is probably a pretty normal thing to do. This time last year I was grateful for my family for all of the support they had recently lent. I was grateful that God had put this beautiful boy in my path and that he was teaching me so much about life, love, and struggles. I was thankful that the Lord was constantly by my side through every single up and down Richard and I faced as a couple.
And here I sit again this year, thinking about what I am grateful for. I’d say I am grateful for exactly the same things, magnified by about 11 bazillion. I am thankful for the last 12 months that I have faced because they have made me into the person I am today: a girl whose heart breaks everyday because of the cruelty of this world, but who constantly rejoices in the hope we have in the Lord. I wouldn’t change a thing.
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Originally posted in Shattered Magazine at http://shatteredmagazine.net/all-circumstances/