6 things I've learned since the death of my boyfriend - a themed post.

July 7, 2013

It's extremely hard to believe that we will be embarking on the six month mark of Richard's death this coming Thursday.  I've said it before regarding other time marks, and I will say it again regarding this one: it feels like so much longer, and just like yesterday all at once.  The journey to get here has been long and sorrowful, yet healing and hopeful; however, I can still recall every single detail of the days leading up to his death just as if it were yesterday.

So now what do we do? 

Six months is generally a milestone, right?  We often celebrate when babies turn six months old, when we've been married for six months, etc.  But it is certainly hard to picture celebrating the six month death of someone, isn't it?  It doesn't quite seem natural but it is something I will attempt to do.  A celebration of Richard going to his eternal home and no longer having to deal with the horrific things of this world.  It will not be an outward celebration filled with cake, balloons and noise makers, but a different celebration altogether.  A reflective, sorrowful {yet joyful} inspection of Richard's life and how he and his death have affected myself and others around me.  Even through tears or sadness I will rejoice that the Lord brought him into my life and allowed me the opportunity to know him.

So, in honor of our six month mark...a themed post.

6 Things I've Learned Since the Death of My Boyfriend:

1.) If you feel compelled to express words/thoughts of sympathy, whether you know the person or not...whether you know what to say or not...do it.  We do not always know what to say or how to say it, but I assure you, saying something as simple as, "I am so sorry to hear what has happened.  I am praying for you," goes so far.  I've had friends and strangers alike say this to me and each and every comment has been received and appreciated and it has changed the way I have and will approach tragedy.

2.) Being vulnerable is not always a bad thing.  We are often told that being vulnerable is never a good state to be in.  When we are vulnerable we are easily influenced and easily taken advantage of; but it is also a time when we are easily moldable and willing to surrender.  If we are being vulnerable with the Lord and his will for our lives, it is not a bad state to be in.

3.) We should do a better job of attempting to be kind everywhere in our lives, including on social media.  When a mother has just found out that her son has been diagnosed with cancer or when a wife has just lost her husband, the last thing they want to do is hop on social media, possibly in an attempt to distract themselves for a bit, and see hatred, dissatisfaction with worldly things and frivolous complaints.  Of course it is impossible to know what every single person on your newsfeed may be going through at the time we post something, but I do believe we should try to be more cognizant.  Spread as much public love as possible and save frivolous complaints for friends.

4.) If you surrender your plans and ideas to the Lord, he will bless you tremendously.  It is much safer to pray for things acknowledging to the Lord that we wish them only to be granted if it is His will.  When we surrender our control, the pressure is off of us.  God takes that pressure from us and lets His will be done.  It feels like magic as things fall into place and we see that God is working in our lives.  Often times understanding his ways or reasoning is difficult, but when we let go and realize the Lord is in control and he will take care of us, things become clearer.

5.) Keep your eyes and your heart open for things that are unexpected.  I never imagined I would have a boyfriend that unexpectedly passed away.  That, of course, was never in my plan for my life; but the things that I have learned and received throughout this journey have been indescribable (althooough attempting to describe them has been the whole point of this blog...).  This situation has been completely unexpected, yet it has taught me to keep my eyes and heart open for I understand that God isn't quite done with me yet.

6.) Life is too short to hold grudges, bruises and scars forever.  Give those over to the Lord and let them be healed.  Forgive.  Stay cautious, but attempt to forgive.  Life will be gone in the blink of an eye and we may be left behind with barrels of regret.  We cannot control how another person will act, but we can certainly control our own actions.  Do your best to forgive and continue to live.


If you don't mind - please say extra prayers for friends and family of Richard this week.  Love to all.  You are more appreciated than you'll ever know.