October 13, 2016
I don't have all the words I need yet to share what I am learning, but I wanted to write a quick post to encourage you to keep fighting. To keep pressing on. Even if nothing (NOTHING) makes sense to you right now, keep following the call and walk straight ahead.
It is amazing the way God weaves our stories. The way He prepares us for things that we had no idea we would need preparation for. How He prompts us to do things, that at the time just seem like things or ideas, but then days/weeks/months/years later we are able to look back and connect the dots.
Back in July I began writing about grief again. It was my first post (other than posts about The Financial Peace Project) since January. I wasn't even grieving at the time, but just feeling very broken for many around me that were. Slowly it became a theme throughout my writing over the next several weeks and I did not fully understand why.
I wrote about staying on nodding terms with the people we used to be simply because I loved the quote that I had stumbled upon. I was able to relate to that quote in thinking back over my past and how I used to handle situations before and how I had changed, but really they were just brief thoughts.
And over the last 6 weeks, staring up at some of things that I have not dealt with, I realized that all of these things I had been writing about were not only for my friends and family that were going through hard times, but they were also for me. I just didn't know it at the time.
Now more than ever have I gotten on nodding terms with the girl I was in my 20's (see, I can say that now because I'm THIRTY - cool!). I'm grieving the parts of my past that I'm not at all proud of that I had not forgiven myself for. I'm grieving those parts so that I can accept them and move forward. It's a good grief. It's a necessary grief. It's a hey-thanks-so-much-for-coming-don't-come-back-ya-hear-k-bye kind of grieving. The kind you learn from. The kind that sets you free once you stare it in the face and denounce it.
I don't know what burdens are holding you hostage right now, but I am rooting for you as you begin to face them. Or as you continue facing them. It takes a lot of hard work, and often a really long time, but I'm praying that you will catch a glimpse of that hope and freedom that you so deserve.