I really actually do have a lot to say. (Shocker.)

August 21, 2014

One year ago I was busting out blog posts that were real and raw and honest and vulnerable.  As words came to my mind my fingers would transcribe them on the page, not looking back or even taking a second thought.  It was therapeutic, it was liberating, and it was me in all my glory as I was healing.  Now it takes a severe amount of concentration and discipline to sit down and write.  I've been finding myself wondering what happened and where this all went wrong and I think I finally have an idea.

I feel like my purpose for writing has diminished.

A year ago I was writing to cope with a traumatic loss.  I spent the first year (plus some) grieving and processing and dealing and writing through the emotions.  My purpose was to write about the tales, the experiences and the boy that the loss engulfed.  My purpose was to write about how God was working through the loss and how His grace, love and guidance were continually being revealed.  

Now, as the dust has settled and the season of every day grieving has come to an end, I find myself constantly stuck on what to write about.  I question myself, wondering if what I have to say is interesting enough, important enough.  I find myself wondering if I will offend someone with my thoughts and opinions, sitting on the side of caution.  

It's ridiculous.

Regardless of what I write about, the main point is that I need to be writing.  Who am I to say that my purpose of writing has diminished?  That's not actually my say.  The good Lord will tell me when enough is enough and as of right now, He hasn't said much of anything.  Blogging isn't so much about writing the perfect post every time.  You know...the one that will get more likes than my George the Beagle selfies get.  It's just about writing.  And if you people read it, great (please read it), and if you people don't, that's fine, too (read: I'll just defriend you).  And just because I am no longer in a fragile, emotional state that seemingly gave me the right to say whatever I wanted, when I wanted, doesn't mean I have to stop writing real and honest words.  That's my MO after all.  I can't ditch out on my MO.

I really actually do have a lot to say. (Shocker.)  Things like how I aspire to be another Jen Hatmaker or Sarah Bessey.  And how there was this one time recently where I was literally the only single girl at the birthday party and the restaurant server wandered around aimlessly looking for the "guy I was with."  I looked at her and literally replied, "naw girl, hashtag single right here," as I held my hand out for the check.  (Realization: maybe this is why I'm still single...).

So yea, I have a lot to say.  I'm owning up to my quietness and admitting I have no more excuses.  I hope you'll stick around (PLEASE READ MY STUFF).

Okay, that is all.  I'll leave you with a George the Beagle selfie as I know that's all you really want from me anyway.