March 11, 2014
Trying to figure out your identity as a blogger, in a heavy blogging society, can be a little bit of a challenge. For a year, my blogger personality was to write about grief. Now that I've been focusing on moving forward, I've been trying to figure out what exactly it is I want to be to the blog world.
One type of blogger I've been avoiding becoming is the "list" blogger. Don't get me wrong, I have written out a list or two in the past and they can be easy to read and understand, while also being helpful. However, I feel like every time you log on to Facebook or twitter or even a news site, there is some list staring back at you. (Please note this excludes lists from Buzzfeed. Buzzfeed is perfect in every way.)
"6 ways to show your husband you respect him." "10 ways to keep your marriage in tact." "25,000 ways to find the perfect mate." Our fast-paced culture has gotten so fast-paced that we think everything can just be squelched down into 10 (or 25,000) easy steps. Since when did life get easy enough to condense down into a bunch of numbered pieces of advice to live successfully?
About a month ago there was one post in particular that was circulating around my Facebook newsfeed. "10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry" (10 Men Christian Women Should Never Marry). I avoided clicking on it for several days because I had a feeling I was not going to particularly enjoy it. I also felt that I did not need some random man telling me who I should or should not marry. Eventually I gave in and read the blasted thing.
I hated it.
My favorite type of man listed was titled "The Addict."
5. The addict. Churchgoing men who have addictions to alcohol or drugs have learned to hide their problems—but you don’t want to wait until your honeymoon to find out that he’s a boozer. Never marry a man who refuses to get help for his addiction. Insist that he get professional help and walk away. And don’t get into a codependent relationship in which he claims he needs you to stay sober. You can’t fix him.
To find out he's a boozer. Woof. Insert rage.
Calling someone with an addiction problem a boozer is offensive. Saying that because someone made poor physical choices in college that they will likely sleep around on you when you're married is offensive. Being a Christian and making accusations about people that may have truly turned their lives around, or are working on it (as we're all works in progress), is offensive. Imagine how an alcoholic, that has been sober for 10 years, will feel when he reads that description above. An alcoholic and an addict are always alcoholics and addicts even if they're clean and sober.
I realize I am taking this article extremely literal and that it was probably meant to be more lighthearted. But guess what - lists are literal...and the issues listed are not lighthearted. We have to stop trying to condense life down into simplistic lists, living by them and worshiping them. We have to remember that life, love and relationships are complicated. It's not as easy as just "walk away." We have to stop pointing fingers and make hurtful and unfair judgments.
Show more grace; spread less hatred.